Harry vs Voldemort, the REAL Story!
by Pyro Hedgehog
Summary: Completely oneshot, no OC's, just pure....weirdness. Rated for somewhat mild language. Flames and reviews welcome, it took me around ten minutes to write this, ten seconds to think of it.


Harry Potter vs Voldemort

COMPLETELY oneshot. If you don't like reading weird things, then go buzz off, you wouldn't like my stories. Everyone is owned by JK Rowling.

Mist blew over the graveyard. Harry Potter, the Boy who Lived, stood near Cedric Diggory's grave, which was filled in. Death Eaters surrounded him, and in the middle, facing him, was the Dark Lord/Ass Voldemort.

"_Potter...we have met Six times so far...this shall be the seventh...and the last..._" Voldemort said in his chilling voice.

"Got that right! I'm gonna rip your friggin' head off!" Harry exclaimed, drawing his wand. Voldemort drew his own wand, and they faced each other.

"Before this is over, I will show you the true power if AVADA KEDAVRA!" Voldemort exclaimed, his ugly, disfigured white face becoming uglier. A bolt of red energy shot from the wand, right at Harry.

"Shit, what to do, what to do..." Harry thought as he picked up a copy of Harry Potter #7. Harry skimmed to the very last chapter, and snapped the book closed.

"Oh, almost forgot about that. Expelliarmus!" Harry exclaimed. A golden beam of light then connected the two wands together, and the two of them were lifted up into the air. The song of the Phoenix started playing, and Harry and Voldemort starting spinning around in a perfect circle. There was a loud bang, and Voldemort suddenly broke the connection. The two of them fell into the graves, and coughed as dirt traveled down their throats. Blood was pouring freely from Voldemort's right arm, near the shouder.

"You...you freakin' shot me! You're gonna die, you son of a bitch!" Voldemort exclaimed angrily.

Somewhere where dead people go...

"I resent that, you motherfuckin' bitch!" James Potter exclaimed angrily. Lily looked at James weirdly. He stared at her back.

Back in the graveyard...

"You...will...NEVER...insult...my...father!" Harry exclaimed angrily, as he took out the M16.

"I'll do what I please, little man!" Voldemort exclaimed, angry. Harry scowled, before locking on to Voldemort.

"I'm not little, I'm as tall as you now, bitch!" Harry exclaimed resentfully. Voldemort laughed.

"You're nowhere close, Mini anti-me!" Voldemort exclaimed. Harry raised his left eyebrow.

"...What?" Harry asked. Voldemort shrugged, and the Death Eaters started laughing. Harry started twirling the M16 around his middle finger, and accidentally pressed the trigger like 30 flippin' times. The Death Eaters fell, clutching their arms, some of them dead.

"You killed my goddamn Death Eaters! Take this, bitch!" Voldemort exclaimed. Harry shrugged, and shot Voldemort through the head. The bullet entered his head, and knocked it off. Voldemort's body stood stiff like a board.

"Ah ha! I have shot your head off! I have won!" Harry exclaimed in a cheap British accent.

"No you haven't!" Voldemort's bloody decapitated head exclaimed. Harry quickly looked at it in shock.

"Yes I have!" Harry exclaimed.

"No you haven't!"

"Yes I have"

"No you haven't!

"Oh? Then what's _that_?" Harry asked, pointing at Voldemort's head.

" 'Tis is just a flesh wound!" Voldemort exclaimed. Harry shot off Voldemort's two arms.

"Oh, what are you going to do now, bite me?" Harry asked sarcastically. Sure enough. Harry felt fangs biting his leg.

"Munch munch munch munch...hey, this is pretty tasty!" Voldemort exclaimed. Harry looked at Voldemort weirdly.

"I'm surrounded by idiots..." Harry said, as he shot Voldemort around fifty times through the head.

That night at Hogwarts...

Harry was spinning the M16 around his middle finger, flipping people off. Hermoine was watching in amazement, and Ron looked surprised at the crowd of beautiful girls Harry Potter, 'The Boy who Killed Voldemort' had. Harry showed off by shooting the gun at the ceiling.

"Man, we should have _never_ shown him those Indiana Jones movies!" Ron exclaimed in his weird British accent.

Okay, oneshot and very weird. Flames and reviews welcome, for this took me about...five minutes to type. For once, I have NO OC'S!

Pyro Hedgehog4ever


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